Why Media Sucks... & Other Exciting Tales

Today, I am in a very reminiscent mood. I recovered several pictures of me in all my former glory, and found myself longing, once more, for a guilt-free all-nighter with all the liquor and cigarettes my poor body can take. And believe me, such was the norm back then. But you grow up, you get pregnant, and you live to fuck another day. Or you hope to anyway. I woke up this morning, ever the early bird, at 11.55am. Just in time for the good news reporters on WGN to do their lunchtime broadcast at noon. I couldn't help but notice the excessive use of a blurred clip of a racy billboard supposedly causing traffic in order to entice viewers to keep tuning in. And I don't know about the rest of the Chicagoan population, but I have to say, for me, it failed hopelessly. I was watching a rerun of Tyra before I even got a chance to hear the 7-day forecast. But it was that episode with the beauty tips that I missed from last season, so it was kind of a big deal. Really though it got me to thinking about how these big media companies view the American public. We are, quite obviously viewed as sex-crazed idiots who will tune in as long as you say the word "boob" enough. And I think they might be on to something. It has long been said that sex sells, but none so much as it does in this country,and it seems to be because we ourselves have had a history of making too much out of the small things. For years the only way the Beatniks could publish their racy, softcore sex scene, drug laced poetry and prose was to do so in France, or other more liberated countries. And speaking of softcore, how many late night Cinemax fliks have you seen where the man's penis is shown? I count zero. But the amount of vagina I've seen in the films is pretty much innumerable. And I've probably seen all of them. Not because of the sex scenes, but because of the story lines. You know, just like how G-Dub went into Iraq for those WMDs that were unquestionably there. Totally like that. And... speaking of nicknames, the Illinois state governor has, by far, the funniest one. Rod Blagojevich is affectionately know by the press as "G-Rod". This is of course made even more hilarious by the fact that he once used the phrase "testicular virility". I had never been prouder of state politics than I was in that moment. And I mean that. You know in thinking of the media today, I stopped to marvel at just how much influence it has on what us dim-witted Americans think. The television told us that Barack Obama was inexperienced in foreign policy, and with politics in general, and of course, on news show after pointless news show I had to listen to Kathy from Tallahassee, and George from Grand Rapids, and fucking Beth Anne from fucking Frisco feed me the same uneducated bullshit that Nancy Grace and Bill O'Reilly told me 4 seconds ago. I'm like, SO over it. Like totally. But on the bright side, Al Franken is running for public office against some creepy Republican I've never heard of (maybe he's friends with Sarah Palin), and I can only hope that he will bring all the candor and wit from Air America to his new seat in public office, without becoming the corrupt, droning, morally bankrupt fiend they all eventually do, which makes me wonder why in the hell I'm wearing this "Politicians Rule!" t-shirt. Unless I mean it literally in which case, I suppose they do. Damn, I can never remember when to take myself seriously. I think that's been George Bush's main problem for the last 8 years. Wow, I just realized that means I share a common characteristic with a republican. And they say the American public doesn't know anything about bi-partisanship.