Of Getting Angry, & Accepting That Some People Will Never Shut Up

Do you know that song by N*Sync, "It's gonna be me?" Well I've found a way to adapt that piece of cheesy 90s pop into an everyday mantra. Recently, I have been sucked into a series of ridiculous and all together pointless arguments with a multitude of people, over nothing. And I keep wondering why it is that they alway end up getting so ugly for no reason. Then I realize it's because I don't have a drink in my hand while I'm arguing. But mostly, I've come to realization that arguments continue because neither party is willing to just say, "You know what, this is stupid. Someone's gotta end this... guess it's gonna be me." And I've decided that it is... uh, going to be me. I will ignore obnoxious text messages spouting drunken buffoonery, and I will no longer indulge the contents of angry myspace messages by acknowledging the hatred in the words. And in the way of bettering myself, ignoring a few texts, and being less profane may not seem like a lot but it is. Trust me. Being less profane in anything is, for me, a fucking miracle, especially when I'm angry. And do you have any idea how hard it is to ignore any kind of text message?! It's easy to hit ignore when the wrong call comes in, but I have one of those wretched phones that displays a preview of text messages when they come in so I am forced to look at it whenever I flip my phone on... and the temptation is, more often than not, too much to resist. You try to act like you haven't seen it, but then, snatches of it start to creep into your mind. You get angry and start writing imaginary, though equally scathing replies, and then after a while, you fool yourself into believing that so & so really deserves this rather pertinent and well thought out piece of your mind. Before you know it, you have sent back a three part text message complete with angry emoticons and extra exclamations points, to really drive the point home. My little brother was watching some kid movie in my mom's SUV yesterday morning and one of the characters shouted "It's so hard to communicate without emoticons!!!" And I couldn't help thinking, by God he's right! Where would all of my Aim and Yahoo Messenger convos be without them? How could I properly display my wide range of emotions without the vast selections of emoticons in the sidebar? It's almost unthinkable. How, for example, could I convey my renewed affections for Joseph Gordon-Levitt were it not for the googly-eyed emoticon with the hearts popping out of her head? Speaking of Joseph Gordon-Levitt, I owe him a lot, I think. When I first saw him, on "Third Rock From the Sun", (which by the way remained my favorite television show for the better part of four years) it made me realize that Johnny Depp wasn't the only cute white guy in the world. There was, just to name a few Brad Pitt... Sean Lennon and of course JGL himself. That's 3 right there. He also helped me to rediscover the joy of indie films. They really are an untapped treasure. The other day, I came home and had a mini marathon and completey forgot about how much I still hate Charlotte Kemp Muhl for about 6 hours which is really something. Just picturing her lithe figure clinging to Sean Lennon in all his awesomeness makes me want to never eat another slice of cheesecake again, while simultaneously wondering how long I could make it in the frozen tundras after commiting capital murder. But of course I will eat cheesecake again. Tomorrow. But only because Auntie Ebony just made two of them last night and I paid for all the ingredients. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't eat a whole cheesecake on my own in a corner while watching another mini marathon, this time of back episodes of "Third Rock From the Sun" so I can reminisce about what it was like to be young and enjoy the type of comedy usually reserved for varying classes of white people. Like, just to throw a name out there, Sarah Palin. Who, by the way, very obviously abused her gubernatorial power and acted on her family's grudge in firing her ex-brother-in-law's supervisor, it's finally official. And the real kicker here is that I'm almost certain that it won't make any fucking difference in the polls because, well, the general American public tend to be a bit idiotic. And we have the very useful gift of selective hearing. You know like how we heard what Jeremiah Wright said, but the words were somehow coming out of Barack Obama's mouth? Or that McCain is not raising anyone's taxes, but how he's taxing employee health benefits and giving tax breaks to big business, in hopes of seeing the "trickle-down" effect succeed, when we have surmounting evidence (i.e the current recession that is threatening to turn into a Depression if something doesn't turn around soon) that it typically, uhm what's the word, oh yeah, FAILS. But I mean look at it from his perspective though. He comes from a family of modest wealth, thanks in part to dedicated government and armed service, and his wife is heiress of Hensley & Co, one of the world's largest Anheuser-Busch beer distribution companies, on which she sits on the board as Chair. The words "recession" have little effect on people who can afford to keep three homes on every coast. But what am I saying? We're his fellow prisoners, right? So of course he sympathizes with our plight. Even though he's got the good life, right down to an endless supply of free beer, he can understand what we're going through. I bet he was just as pissed as I was when "Third Rock From the Sun" got canceled. And far be it for him to have watched the reruns that came on at least a good 3 hours after his usual 7pm bedtime. And he totally knows about struggling to pay bills because he's watched us do it on TV. Surely it can't be much different than that. Excepting of course, the fact that the actors portraying us own their own islands, it's pretty fair. I think. So I'm going to lay off McCain. Because, and this is small consolation, mind, but at the very least, if he dies within the average life-span of 75.4 years then we're shot of him in 3! And he's a good patriotic soul. He's gotta die when we expect him to. Wearing a flag-pin. While knocking back some Bud light. And maybe even about to tuck into to some good old fashioned apple pie. Now THAT'S American.

END.

Why Media Sucks... & Other Exciting Tales

Today, I am in a very reminiscent mood. I recovered several pictures of me in all my former glory, and found myself longing, once more, for a guilt-free all-nighter with all the liquor and cigarettes my poor body can take. And believe me, such was the norm back then. But you grow up, you get pregnant, and you live to fuck another day. Or you hope to anyway. I woke up this morning, ever the early bird, at 11.55am. Just in time for the good news reporters on WGN to do their lunchtime broadcast at noon. I couldn't help but notice the excessive use of a blurred clip of a racy billboard supposedly causing traffic in order to entice viewers to keep tuning in. And I don't know about the rest of the Chicagoan population, but I have to say, for me, it failed hopelessly. I was watching a rerun of Tyra before I even got a chance to hear the 7-day forecast. But it was that episode with the beauty tips that I missed from last season, so it was kind of a big deal. Really though it got me to thinking about how these big media companies view the American public. We are, quite obviously viewed as sex-crazed idiots who will tune in as long as you say the word "boob" enough. And I think they might be on to something. It has long been said that sex sells, but none so much as it does in this country,and it seems to be because we ourselves have had a history of making too much out of the small things. For years the only way the Beatniks could publish their racy, softcore sex scene, drug laced poetry and prose was to do so in France, or other more liberated countries. And speaking of softcore, how many late night Cinemax fliks have you seen where the man's penis is shown? I count zero. But the amount of vagina I've seen in the films is pretty much innumerable. And I've probably seen all of them. Not because of the sex scenes, but because of the story lines. You know, just like how G-Dub went into Iraq for those WMDs that were unquestionably there. Totally like that. And... speaking of nicknames, the Illinois state governor has, by far, the funniest one. Rod Blagojevich is affectionately know by the press as "G-Rod". This is of course made even more hilarious by the fact that he once used the phrase "testicular virility". I had never been prouder of state politics than I was in that moment. And I mean that. You know in thinking of the media today, I stopped to marvel at just how much influence it has on what us dim-witted Americans think. The television told us that Barack Obama was inexperienced in foreign policy, and with politics in general, and of course, on news show after pointless news show I had to listen to Kathy from Tallahassee, and George from Grand Rapids, and fucking Beth Anne from fucking Frisco feed me the same uneducated bullshit that Nancy Grace and Bill O'Reilly told me 4 seconds ago. I'm like, SO over it. Like totally. But on the bright side, Al Franken is running for public office against some creepy Republican I've never heard of (maybe he's friends with Sarah Palin), and I can only hope that he will bring all the candor and wit from Air America to his new seat in public office, without becoming the corrupt, droning, morally bankrupt fiend they all eventually do, which makes me wonder why in the hell I'm wearing this "Politicians Rule!" t-shirt. Unless I mean it literally in which case, I suppose they do. Damn, I can never remember when to take myself seriously. I think that's been George Bush's main problem for the last 8 years. Wow, I just realized that means I share a common characteristic with a republican. And they say the American public doesn't know anything about bi-partisanship.